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Current Music:ministry of sound - chillout session 6
Subject:"being at the apex"
Time:10:21 pm
Current Mood:amusedamused
ahhh another year has past, i've finally reached the apex of my 20s... how does it feel? one may ask, hmmm well i better check back on that, as i'm still trying to let it all sink in

recap on the last 3 months

march: left sydney on the 20th, after a very teary farewell with my girls at the airport, we all tried so hard to be strong but i guess as soon as one started there were no turning back... *sigh* i miss them lots, especially when i'm down and out...

april: got to beijing, met up with beldon had a few crazy night outs in ramming around the streets of beijing the olympic city of 2008... i've gota say things have changed heaps since i was here last... it didn't take me as long as i'd expected to get used to the city, by my 3rd week here i was able to catch the subway and even a few "not-so-crowded" buses around beijing... the main thing is that there are so many foreigners here these days... if you head down to places like kai on the weekend it just feels like any other place in sydney except for the yankie and pommy accents lurking about...

may: moved into an apartment in "dongzhimen" with beldon, after much ados of finding a decent place to stay, man house hunting is quite a task in beijing, i had never seen so many crappy old flats in my life till i got here... so in the end we settled with a nice place by the subway station and oriental plaza, theres about a 30% foreigner population in our block because we're only minutes away from the embassy district and not to mention only a 10 kuai taxi ride to our weekend hang outs near "gongti"

june: started my new job, its exciting but really exhausting i guess its only because im still trying to switch from sleeping at 2-3am and waking up at 12 to getting up at 7am... and my bday... it was quite a night... karaoke and dinner with family followed by drinks and some bumpin'n'grindin at mix (infamous hiphop joint in beijing), by 2am i was ready to head home for a private party with my new canadian friend... hehehehhe... man i've gota say that the yankee accent is becoming sexier by the minute... wsssssss... hahhaha...

so the verdict is? i've had a good celebration of turning a quarter of a century... ;-)
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Current Music:landy wen - go
Subject:this is my romantic pattern according to tickle.com
Time:01:21 am
Current Mood:blahblah
At its core, the romantic pattern called Love Conquers All, is romantic, triumphant, and full of courage to face yourself with honesty.

But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: A tug of war between the desire for the love of your life, and a fear of commitment.

You may also find that challenges come from family and society - even yourself. Do loved ones disapprove of your partner, raise concerns you hadn't previously cared that much about?

Turning points may also stem from previous obligations at work, or in promises you've made to others. Do you reschedule or delay plans with your partner because you feel the need to honor responsibilities at the office? Do you prioritize taking care of a friend in need over the needs of your mate?

Ambition to be loyal to loved ones, move ahead at work, improve your home, see the world - these are all good things. But sometimes, they take precedence over your love life - whether you are conscious of it or not.

Remember Nicolas Cage in the film "Family Man"? Through a strange twist of fate, he's given the opportunity to see life as it might have been had he gotten married instead of pursued successes at work. Though fantastical and magical, he experiences a jarring event, and through it, realizes he has different priorities. He would give up his important job and expensive belongings to be with the one woman he realizes he truly loves. And he realizes that his initial choice to pursue his career instead of pursue his relationship was driven not by his hopes for success, but his fear of taking on the seriousness of his relationship. Through this realization, he has the courage to face himself, not preexisting hopes and goals.

Even if fate doesn't throw obstacles in your way, it's possible that you do. Do you shy away from romantic commitments? Do you make excuses for not dating? Do you wish your relationships never progressed past the lovey-dovey stage? Are the people you date "all wrong" for you? There's a reason you're holding back from pursuing a good thing. You may put excuses between you and another person, or you may intentionally pick the wrong person to give you an alternative to getting serious. The real courage in your romantic pattern comes from taking a good look at yourself, and questioning your motivations.

Once you recognize this as your pattern, you will indeed have the courage and the insight to question yourself, and make a commitment, or a break with someone, before external events force you to. In this manner, Courage is one of the most noble and truthful romantic patterns out there.

In "Notting Hill," Julia Roberts plays a movie star whose career (not to mention awful boyfriend) get in the way of a fledgling romance with a London bookseller (Hugh Grant). In "Autumn in New York," a cheating playboy played by Richard Gere finds himself in love with a dying 22-year-old. Will he mend his ways before it's too late? The romantic pattern that drives these plots is the same that drives your fantasies and relationships, which is why these stories can be so powerful. Of course, in the movies it's always clear just whom the lead person should hook up with. In real life, it's quite a bit harder. Love Conquers All, and now you're equipped to find it.
But this is just scratching the surface of what we uncovered about the romantic pattern that drives your relationships.

While you were taking this test, we analyzed your responses to different types of questions, questions that get at the underlying factors of your relationship patterns.

These questions measure aspects of your formative experiences, your self-esteem, and your subconscious reactions to romantic scenarios - the dimensions that direct your behavior and choice of partners.

This allows us to look at the source of your romantic pattern - how and when this pattern became attractive to you - and allows us to make specific suggestions that will help you make better choices, and find true happiness in love.
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Subject:i have one thing to say
Time:11:57 am
Current Mood:excitedexcited
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Current Music:latenight tv commercial
Time:02:12 am
Current Mood:relievedrelieved
you see i've had this post hidden on my laptop for a couple of months... at the time of writing this longish piece of rant, i decided not to hit the post button because i was, i guess unsure of the consequences... not that the person that i am talking about would ever read this and figure out that it is them that i am talking about anyway... but still... being the well-known procrastinator that i am... i tend to like to think long and hard about every little detail in every situation......

now that my mind is no longer highly stressed i realised these feelings are still here... at the time of the post i thought i was extremely emotional and i had mixed feelings about it all, because i was under stress i thought i didn't know a better way of expressing my solicitude except to shed a few wistful tears under my blanket... but now that i got my final exams outta the way i realised that nothing has changed... i am still miserable because of those words that are still stuck in my throat...

i guess by finally posting this post its kinda like a subtle way of allowing myself to get used to the fact that i will eventually have to get this outta my system and that this is a start... ok so here it goes

16th of october 2004

i'm feeling extremely pensive tonight, i think to be quite honest i've been feeling this way for a few weeks now. i think it might be because my life is kind of disorganised at the moment, i have unfinished business lingering about, and i hate living in limbo. yet on the other hand i can't tidy these things up all at once, but somehow i feel as if i'm not ready to open a can of worms...

had a big one last night, i thoroughly enjoyed it, because i was around my good friends, and i always have a good time when friends are around, thats why i place high regard on my group of friends and they come first before everything else... we have such an intimate circle that boys and girls often show signs of light affection to eachother without a second thought, but after a conversation with one of my close friends not too long ago, i realised that we've grown a sort of dependency on eachother and that because of our closeness we've closed ourselves off to other people, those that come into our lives or those that are about to enter our lives. take myself for example, i have this habit of comparing my boyfriends, or potential boyfriends to my boy-friends, and if they don't measure up then i usually have to think twice about pursuing a long term relationship with them... so all these attributes that i'm looking for in a guy are actually vested in my friends, and when i heard from that wise friend of mine that oneday i might end up with one of friends kinda freaked me out a little...

but this is rather contradictory because, the usual deal is that you can't date a friend because if it doesn't work out you've ruined the initial friendship, hence it's "normal" for people not to pursue relationships if they're currently bound by a great friendship. and on the contrary we claim that we need to get to know someone before we can date them... so the initial getting-to-know-you stage would be classified as friendship-building stage, and once there is a friendship happening then it's ok to date them? so where do people draw the line between dating and not dating friends?

i'm puzzled by this concept because i think i might have mixed feelings... about someone that i think i might be attracted to but because of these unsaid/intangible rules of friendship and relationships i've been trying to conceal these feelings... another thing is that i usually like to find out how they feel about me first before expressing any kind of interests... this person does not fit into my usual profile at all and it really makes me wonder what exactly it is that i like about them... the quirkiness, the unstylish dress sense, the sometimes annoying laughter and the warm welcoming smile... i guess i knew this a long time ago, i think perhaps the first time they went away, but these feelings are becoming more eminent, i realised that when they're not around i actually miss their silliness just miss them being around and making me laugh for no particular reason...

and the verdict...
over the many cascaded tears and sleepless nights i've realised that sometimes people are "really oblivious" to a lot of good things that happen around them... good things that oneday will make you realise that perhaps you've missed your boat... it is now that i realise that the smallest things they did could have been signs...
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Current Music:Whitney Houston - Run To You
Subject:ahhh... reminiscences
Time:12:11 am
Current Mood:coldcold
I know that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find
A girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone

I wanna run to you (oooh)
I wanna run to you (oooh)
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you (oooh)
But if I come to you (oooh)
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away

Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me
What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
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Current Music:exhausts of cars flying by
Subject:my constant sense of uneasiness...
Time:01:48 am
Current Mood:thirstythirsty
i dunno what's wrong with me these days, i've been constantly baffled by an uneasy feeling, i think it could be due to a mixture of different feelings and emotions...

yes 10 more weeks to go till the end of uni, hence i'm at home this friday night while all my friends are out partying... my excuse was that i'll be going out every night after these 10 critical weeks.

and lately i've been dreaming about the future quite a fair bit, what life would be like in 6 months... i have some sort of a plan, yet i dont want a well planned future. i guess its still the case of i don't know what i want... oh and yes, i still don't know... i don't know about anything really...

coupla weeks ago, i told one of my good friends about the way i feel about a certain situation, at the time i wasn't sure about how this situation came about, i surprised myself with actually spilling the beans, because i was so unsure... and at the time i thought it was just one of them phases, that will soon pass... hmmm... i am still waiting... (and i wonder when i'm going to get rid of this new habit of locking myself in my room for hours on certain nights of the week...)
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Current Music:No Me Ames - Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony
Subject:touched by this music video
Time:12:31 am
Current Mood:touchedtouched
No Me Ames

i fell in love with this song instantly, not with its words (cuz i hardly understand spanish) but rather with the special music video.

my interpretation: it captured a lot of real emotions. Though it was made years ago, both jlo and her new hubby marc anthony did a great job in telling a timeless, touching love story, i've always had a soft spot for soppy love stories and especially music videos that have a sweet story behind it, it definitely gives the song a different appeal. i got really teary eyed after watching it and i now play the song on repeat... hehahea... i'm such a sucker for these things

no me ames

Dime porque lloras
de felicidad
y porque te ahogas
por la soledad
di porque me tomas
fuerte asi, mis manos
y tus pensamientos
te van llevando

Yo te quiero tanto
y porque sera
loco testarudo
no lo dudes mas
aunque en el futuro
haya un muro enorme
yo no tengo miedo
quiero enamorarme

No me ames
porque pienses
que parezco diferente
tu no piensas que es lo justo
ver pasar el tiempo juntos

No me ames
que comprendo
la mentira que seria
Si tu amor no merezco
no me ames
mas quedate otro dia

No me ames
porque estoy perdido
porque cambie el mundo
porque es el destino
porque no se puede
somos un espejo
y tu asi serias
lo que yo de mi reflejo

No me ames
para estar muriendo
dentro de una guerra
llena de arrepentimientos
No me ames
para estar en tierra
quiero alzar el vuelo
con tu gran amor
por el azul del cielo

No se que decirte
esa es la verdad
si la gente quiere
sabe lastimar

Tu y yo partiremos
ellos no se mueven
pero en este cielo
sola no me dejes

No me dejes, no me dejes
no me eschuches
si te digo "no me ames"
no me dejes, no desarmes
mi corazon con ese "no me ames"

No me ames, te lo ruego
mi amargura dejame
sabes bien, que no puedo
que es inutil
que siempre te amare

No me ames
pues te hare sufrir
con este corazon que
se lleno de mil inviernos
no me ames
para asi olvidarte
de tus dias grises
quiero que me ames
solo por amarme

No me ames
tu y yo volaremos
uno con el otro
y seguiremos siempre juntos
este amor es como el sol que sale
tras de la tormenta
como dos cometas
en la misma estela

No me ames
No me ames
No me ames

No, no me ames
No me ames
No me ames
No me ames.
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Current Music:SASHA - Petter: These Days (on repeat)
Time:01:33 am
Current Mood:okayokay
im back, finally, it has certainly been a long while since my last post. i've missed my little cyberspot where im able to let myself go, putting my feet up and just vent...

hmmm... what have i been up to??? well it has been quite a journey since my last post... people, emotions, tangibles and intangibles all have come, gone, and some have stayed and some... hmm... i'm not sure... i'm not making much sense right now, only because i think i've had a emotion-ridden wkend... what did i do? hehahea... wat else? WINTER BREAKS. off course it is an absolute must every winter. about the only party i look forward to these days, besides the highly anticipated arrival of the one and only progressive KING his highness "SASHA"

.:just a quick recap of what's been happening lately:.

april - my last post was about my hair cut, what can i say? im a typical girl who likes to treat herself to a new look after every unsuccessful relationship... at the time i said was over relationships, i said i wasn't made for them... boy... was i wrong? "at the end of the day, girls need boys to survive and vice versa!" wise words one of my bosses from my days of being a job slut (yes, at one stage i changed 4 jobs within a mere 5 months)

may - stresses from uni, flows of assignments, essays, presentations... start of a new hmmm... (i dunno what i shall call it...) from my perspective, i wouldnt call it a relationship... but i am baffled...

june - stresses from exams, my very low-key birthday, so low-key that i sometimes forget that i had celebrated it this year... oh wait... did i??? the new hmmm... continued without any directions, in fact i hardly saw the other party because i had no time to spare (hahahha... yeah more like my old habitual excuses coming into play)

july - finally exams are over, holidays started, but work soon followed, working two jobs at the moment to keep my rent up-to-date and trying to save up some cash for my upcoming trips. i can't wait to travel and see what's out there, and oh not to mention all the hotties...

.:what's in store in the near future:.

well here is a rough blue print of what i'm expecting in the next 12 months...

finish my degree by the end of the year, then going to china for awhile to help my parents with some stuff over there. but my grande plan next year is based on a notion of an entrepreneurial nature, i think this is mainly due to the influence of one of the subjects i did last semester (whoever said that uni's just a waste of time??? hehahhea... )

so hopefully i will be occupied with these things that i have in mind and actually make something outta my drafts... and if all's well i wont be doing the 9 to 5... which i absolutely detest... not because of the nature of the job, but because i can finally come face to face with my spirit and i now have an idea of who i am...

and if all the above go accordingly, then my european trip will be definite. right now the idea is etched in my agenda, but financially i'm incapable, well looking at my current independent financial status i am incapable, even though i can claim the trip as a reward (my parents have promised separate rewards for finishing uni, but i think i should put those to good use... muahahha). so i've placed immense pressure on myself just for this trip. because it'll be an opportunity of a life time...

.:on the relationship front:.

i think im just about to give up... not because i can't find the right person, nor issit because i'm sick of looking or merely wasting time... all the usual yaddi dahh... only because i think the enigma vests in me... i cant say exactly what it is about me, maybe i am right, i have indeed inherited all of my dad's worst qualities, that i just cant seem to focus all my attention on one person... or maybe its just simply my curiosity... and my mother always says... if i don't pick up my acts now i will oneday regret it...

when it comes to relationships, frankly i want a mixture of a classic, humourous, fair tale story with eternal promises... i want to experience love at first sight like in romeo & juliet (all time fav)... i want to know the surreal feelings of discovering love at the least possible times like in serendipity and pearl harbour (just for kate beckinsale really)... and with the least possible person like in breakfast at tiffany's (audrey hepburn... enough said)... i want everlasting commitments like in moulin rouge (only to a vocal genius like ewan mcgregor)... and lastly i want a humourous lover who's able to keep my laughters alive till the wee hours of the morning like shrek (after all who could resist a green ogre?)... but preferably with the body of josh hartnett...
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Current Music:jono's laughter from the loungeroom
Subject:a bargain hair cut
Time:11:22 pm
Current Mood:blahblah
on my way to lunch yesterday, coupla frends and i fell into the trap of those direct marketing dudes. you know those street promotions agents. 20 mins later we signed up for these hair treatment and cut and coloring sessions at a suppose 5* salon, they apparently provide a 5 star service too... they said upon arrival you'll be treated with a glass of champers and chocolate dipped strawberries... *YUM* all this for a mere $80.
so im getting my hair cut finally. so *excited* (hahahhaha... not just about the champers) think i'll go with a fringe or something... feels like i need a major change... winter is nearly here... my most despised season... hopefully my new hair will guide me through the next 5 miserable months
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Current Music:Theme song from Scent of Love (my fav taiwanese/korean soapie )
Time:02:06 am
Current Mood:sadsad
my abercrombie tee doesnt fit!!!!!! =....((((((((
ps. can someone open a abercrombie & fitch shop in australia please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You scored as Cocaine. Be careful, this drug is very addicting, and you can build a tolerance quickly.
















What's your ideal drug?
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[icon] k t n e s s - r o y a l e
View:Recent Entries.
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